PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize