Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize