Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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