i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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