Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
