Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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