she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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