one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
