It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
