you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
