i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
her vagine was all disorganized.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
