mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
