oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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