I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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