I'm jealous of your bromance
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
