Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cut my penus on the lid.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize