She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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