My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
