Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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