I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
