I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
