Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
