What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
