Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize