i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize