you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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