dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
