I want to stick my p in your. b.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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