in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
