You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
