Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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