Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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