is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
