So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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