started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
