I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
