I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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