We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
