i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
