Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
