I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
