You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
