VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize