im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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