Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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