The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
