another moral hangover. fuck.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
