Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize