i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
