just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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