who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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