when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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