ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
