Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize