you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
