Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
