he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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