Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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