this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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