you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
