I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I faked an abortion last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
