This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
