so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
