You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
