her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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