Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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