I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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