I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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