when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
